So, yesterday, one of the neighbor girls came by with two pieces of onion skin paper stapled together, the word "RESUME!!!!!!!" printed at the top of the first page. I was so impressed with her enthusiasm, not to mention her confidence (the next line says "Need a babysitter? That's me"), I decided on the spot to hire her in some capacity.
"How old are you?" I asked.
"Twelve," she told me. Ooo. This is bad. Add my kids' ages together and they are
twelve. That doesn't seem right. I can't leave my three children alone with a preteen, no matter how desperate I get. And I do get rather desperate at times. Like now.
"How much do you charge?"
"Five dollars an hour," she says. And, just like that, she's back in my good graces. I ask her about her experience, and she tells me she's mostly been a mother's helper but has recently passed her American Red Cross infant and child rescue/first aid training. She's one up on me there. Well played.
"What about three kids?" I ask. "Doesn't that seem a little much for you?"
"Oh, no!" She waves a 12-year-old hand dismissively at my unreasonable adult paranoia. "I watched three kids just the other day." Poor, poor girl. My children would eat her for lunch.
But on page two of the onion skin, she mentions under "Skills and Abilities": "I am able to discipline in a clam way. Maybe strict but fair!" Hell, yeah, she's strict. I imagine The Clam Shell of Discipline lowering on my children's unsuspecting heads. It gives me the shivers, but the RESUME!!!!!!! assures me this won't happen unless they richly deserve it. And with fifteen more days until school starts, that's a promise I may be able to live with.