Shari MacDonald Strong

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Don't Fence Him In

Four-Year-Old Will (singing along with me at bedtime):

I want to ride to the ridge where the West commences,
Gaze at the moon until I lose my menses...

Sunday, May 27, 2007

The End Is Near


My dog has cancer. I'm heartbroken.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Vomit Chronicles: Episode 136

Conversation in the car on the way home from school:

Macky: Mama, Jackson threw up at school today!

Will: Yeah! In the DIRT!

Macky: It was disgusting!

Eugenia (looking out the window to see where we're headed): Mama, do I have piano lessons today?

Me: No.

Eug: Why not?

Me: Because we have so much to get done today. And because I'm tired. I don't really feel all that well.

Macky: I hope ya don't throw up!

Me: I hope so, too. I suppose it's possible, though, if I've got whatever Jackson had.

Eugenia: What did Jackson have?

Will: Corn.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Pity the Fool Who Forgets Mother's Day


Do what the man says (once you stop cringing).

Thanks, Mr. T.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Did You Hear the One about the Mom Who Lost Her Mind?

Overheard in the car on the way home from school:

Will: Macky, knock-knock!

Macky: Who's there?

Will: ...

Macky (testily): Who's there?

Will: Um... Why did the chicken cross the road?

Macky: Who's there? (cracks himself up)

Will (also cracking up): Why did the chicken cross the road?

Macky: WHO'S THERE?!?!

Will: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?!?!???

Macky: WHO'S THERE?!?!

Will: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?!?!???!!!!!!!!!

Macky: WHOOOOOO'S THERE?! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!


Five minutes later, following several minutes of purposeful belching, screaming, and arguing on the kids' part:

Me: You guys, I'm serious! KNOCK it off!

(Pause.)

Will: Who's there?


* * *

Later that night:

Me: Macky, put that grate back in the floor. Stop touching that. No. No! NO!!!! No, no, no, no, stop, nooooooooo! What part of "No" don't you understand?

(Pause.)

Macky: "No"?

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Never Trust a Man Named "Frosty" on the Subject of Global Warming


This is my favorite Daily Show segment EVER. And that is saying A LOT.

New Zen: Of Loss and Love

In my new column: a response to the tragedy at Virginia Tech.

Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance To say that the tragedy at Virginia Tech is a parent's worst nightmare is the grossest of understatements. Losing a child is our biggest fear, our unspeakable dread. . . But it isn't practical, even for near-paranoid parents like me, to live perpetually at Code Orange. We simply can't keep our children safe by the sheer force of our will. By Shari MacDonald Strong