Shari MacDonald Strong

An Afternoon Conversation

2008-07-16T17:33:00.000-07:00

Me: I love Word Girl! I think it's my new favorite show.

Eugenia: What about SpongeBob?

Will: What about Plankton?

Me: Well, yeah. I'll always love SpongeBob. And Plankton makes me laugh more than just about anyone.

Will: Does that mean you're going to marry him?

Me: No. I already married the person I want to marry.

Macky: Mama, why did you marry Papa?

Me: Because he was sweet and funny and smart and handsome and he treated me really well, and he's my best friend in the world. And I liked being with him more than anybody.

(Dirty looks from all three kids.)

Me: That's before I met all of you. Now, I like being with all of you, more than anybody.

Macky: Do you like him more than meeeee?

Me: I already said: I like all of you.

(Pause.)

Macky (sounding kind of disgusted): Just say "No."

Powell's on Hawthorne. Thursday 5/29. Be There.

2008-05-27T14:01:00.000-07:00

Oh, yeah. I'm a proud mama. My newest baby is here: this one with pages instead of yummy little toes and fingers to nibble. Oh, but it is delicious! If you're in the Portland area, come on out to Powell's Books on Hawthorne (note: that's the Hawthorne location, not downtown) this Thursday night, May 29, to hear me -- and several of the book's brilliant contributors -- read from The Maternal Is Political: Women Writers at the Intersection of Motherhood and Social Change. Mamas, unite!

UPDATE: I'm not terribly experienced at speaking to groups. But I don't feel nervous, because I know I will never be as bad as this:

Praying for Sheetrock

2008-04-29T14:24:00.000-07:00

Stephanie found Chocobacon!

In other news, the remodel is a-happening, and we're in hell. If you ever consider working, going to school, remodeling your house (and moving out while the remodel happens), and parenting simultaneously . . . just . . . don't. Seriously. The good news is, the house is now getting bigger instead of smaller. Here's a link to the beauteousness that is our future home, complete with audio commentary by the three smallest crazy people in our family, courtesy my sexy photo/audio nerd/artist husband:

http://strongphotography.com/misc/remodel/vids/FootLapseSmallSV.mov

P.S. Praying for (meditating for? holding our breath for?) Sheetrock is what we're more or less doing (sheetrocking starts next week) but also the title of a book I haven't yet read, by a woman (Melissa Fay Greene) whose book about orphans and motherhood and Ethiopia (There Is No Me Without You) I am reading and loving (and crying over) right now. (Thank you, Jennifer!) Go out and buy it, immediately! I command thee! Okay, I don't really command anybody, anything. But I do highly recommend it!

P.P.S. Did I mention that Stephanie found Chocobacon!?

Must. Have. For. New. Master. Bathroom...

2008-04-22T10:29:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that our family has embarked on a major remodel to our house. Five people in a two-bedroom bungalow just became far too stressful. I mean, how long can little boys sleep in toddler beds, anyway? At what point/age does that simply become child abuse? But there was no other way to get all three kids' beds in one room, and so here we are . . . The worst day came during the demolition phase, when we drove by our house one day and found that the back third of our house was . . . missing. Destroyed (not originally in the plans). Then there was the day when the tarp covering our whole house (practically our entire lot) began to act like a ship's sail, catching the wind and causing the enormous river rocks anchoring the tarp to fly 6 feet in the air, nearing beaning passers-by. A lawsuit narrowly avoided.

But now, things are looking up. The framing is done. The skeleton is there, and I can tell, as much anguish as we've gone (and still are going) through, that it's going to be beautiful. Makes living out of boxes and living in complete chaos for months at a time all worth it (she said through gritted teeth). Now, I just need to figure out how to get this little item (below) squeezed into the budget. Craig and I simply must have it in our new master bath, don't you agree?

Hello, Internet. I'm Still Here (Barely) . . .

2008-04-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to catch up after weeks of chaos: one move, a complicated remodel, lice (one of the kids), mice, sugar ants, various bouts of flu/vomiting (me AND the kids), a trip to Seattle, a sad breakup of dear friends, weeks of living out of boxes, and more miscellaneous everyday crises than I can count. My in-box has 870 emails. Is it time to declare email bankruptcy and start over? I think it just may be. More soon. In the meantime: Does anybody have my beloved, marked up copy of Sue Monk Kidd's The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, which I loaned out to I-can't-remember-who?

And in the "I Have Been Put in My Place" Department: Last night, Macky and I were talking about where he would be going to school for kindergarten next year: his Montessori preschool, or the public school. He kept going back and forth -- choosing one, then the other -- before finally giving up.

Macky: Mama, you can think about it and decide.

Me: You don't want to decide?

Macky: No. YOU decide.

Me (nodding in understanding, sounding patient and wise): It's hard to decide things sometimes, isn't it? Because there are good things in both places. In Miss Stephanie's room, you have your friend Logan. And at Alameda, there's the bus, and your sister, and it's something new. And--

Macky: No, Mama. I said that YOU can think about it. (Pause.) In your head. (Pause.) WITHOUT TALKING.

New Zen: Sky of Blue and Sea of Green

2008-02-12T14:25:00.000-08:00

New Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance, in which I revisit my childhood love for "The Yellow Submarine" and talk about my ongoing heartbreak for the orphans of eastern Europe.

BTW: I'm nearing the end of my Zen contract. Only a couple more columns to go! Catch it now, while you can!

This Week's Must-Watch Videos

2008-02-12T13:31:00.000-08:00

All three: worth the time, I promise you.

I felt deeply moved by the Obama "Yes, We Can" video:

Then Maria Shriver's speech left me . . . well . . . speechless:

Makes me feel as inspired as if I was living in the 60s!

But this "if McCain gets elected" response to the "Yes, We Can" video utterly undid me:

Wowza.

The Admission of What I've Long Suspected

2008-02-12T12:59:00.000-08:00

Last week, Eugenia asked, "What's a Drama Queen?"

Well, um. Yes. It took all my self control not to say, "YOU ARE!" Eugenia is seven-going-on-fourteen. I am, apparently, forty-going-on-three.

In any case, the other night I was trying to get the kids inside and ready for dinner, and she kept arguing with me about every little thing. Finally, in exasperation, I said, "Eugenia, come ON. I don't want to argue about this. Why do you have to make everything so hard?"

Eug glared at me. "I don't have to make everything so hard," she told me, sounding dumbfounded that I was idiotic enough to miss the obvious. "I choose to make everything so hard."

Ah, well. Just so we're clear.

(It took all my self-control not to die laughing.)

Is that kid awesome, or what?! Drives me a little crazy at times, but lordy, how I love her strength!

Why I Quit Being a Vegetarian

2008-01-14T10:45:00.000-08:00

I shamelessly stole this from Dooce. (Thanks, Heather.) This perfectly sums up my feelings about bacon.

Living in an Egalitarian Household

2008-01-10T09:20:00.000-08:00

As we’re in the bathroom getting ready for bed, Craig is brushing his teeth. When he spits out the toothpaste, he aims it at a mysterious black spot on the sink bowl, left there by the kids. The black spot remains unmoved.

Me: Hahahahaha!

Craig: You liked that?

Me: Yeah, I like how you thought you were helping.

Craig: Just doing my part with the housework.

Me (rolling my eyes and leaving the bathroom): Yes. I know.

Craig (calling after me as he closes the door): Now I’m going to clean the toilet!

Magic 8-Ball Says: "Signs Point to Yes"

2008-01-09T20:34:00.001-08:00

Macky: There's only one more year until George Bush isn't president anymore.

Me: That's right.

Macky: Do you think he's mad right now?

What a Coinkydink!

2008-01-08T13:50:00.000-08:00

Our family attends a Quaker meeting where two of the members are a husband and wife whose last name is Nail. One morning, the Nails stood up and made an announcement. In the car on the way home, our children were riding in the back (with Will sitting directly behind Craig) while Craig and I made chit-chat.

Craig: I was just thinking about the Nails—

Will: I was just thinking about screws.

New Zen(s): Soul and Objects

2008-01-08T09:29:00.002-08:00

Oops. I forgot to post my most recent Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance column at Lit Ma, about my visit with a Sufi.

Also, in this month's Zen, I discuss my attempts to step being ruled by STUFF. Yeah, I know, I know. Good luck with that . . .

Remembering My Roots

2008-01-08T09:12:00.001-08:00

I've always appreciated Conan O'Brien, but this takes my love to a whole new level. Way to step it up under pressure, Conan.

I'm having flashbacks of watching "The Mandrell Sisters" with my parents. I wanted to be Louise Mandrell. Yes, I'm that old. And that dorky.

Benazir Bhutto: 1953-2007

2007-12-27T11:11:00.000-08:00

I feel sick to my stomach, have been rocking back and forth, since hearing the news about Benazir Bhutto's assassination. The first female prime minister in the Muslim world, a woman trying to transform the world, a mother. I feel like Pakistan just lost their Bobby Kennedy. I'm in shock.

Morbid Humor Day at the Strongs

2007-12-02T09:40:00.000-08:00

Will: Mama, I'm your friend forever. I'm your friend all the way to the United States, to the galaxies. I'm your friend to the future!

Me: Wow, that's a lot.

Will: I'm your friend even after I'm dead. I hope I get buried next to you. I can dig a hole and we can hold hands.

Me: ...

Will: Unless I dig a bigger hole, and I crawl into your part.

Me: ...

Will: UNLESS! I dig a hole and get out!

****LATER (AFTER I TELL CRAIG THIS STORY)***

Craig: I'm not so much about the digging a hole, about getting buried. I'd like to have my ashes scattered across the Deschutes, over my favorite fishing hole.

Me: So what's going to happen to me?

Craig (helpfully): You could learn to fish.

Me: Maybe they could just scatter my ashes over a library.

Change-ellujah!

2007-11-23T23:35:00.001-08:00

Oh, man! I just saw the best movie I've seen in years. Seriously. Reverend Billy is AWESOME! Go see this movie if it is humanly possible. I AM NOT KIDDING. Boy howdy, would I love to buy him and his wife a cup of non-Starbucks coffee. As seen in Newsweek. I heard that Reverend Billy will also be on Dateline this week (check your local listings). Check out this page, and watch for updates, to see if What Would Jesus Buy? is, or will be, playing near you.

Happy Buy Nothing Day!

2007-11-23T12:01:00.000-08:00

My poor nephew has to work Black Friday at Target. These guys have the right idea.

New Zen: The Dark Side

2007-11-14T10:02:00.001-08:00

In this month's Zen, I explore the thought-provoking nature of this year's Halloween.

The day Eugenia and I bought her witch dress, black hat, green make-up and warty costume nose, she announced to the cashier: "I'm going to be a wicked witch!" Then she thought about it a moment. "No," she reconsidered. "I'm going to be a good witch." Luckily, it isn't either/or. She'll be both in her lifetime, just like me.

Another Toy Recalled

2007-10-19T23:15:00.002-07:00

This is making the email forward rounds, and I couldn't resist posting it. Tragically, the source is unknown.

Now, for THAT I would let my kid have a Band-aid.

New Zen: Mamacosita-sweeta.

2007-10-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

In my new column at Literary Mama, I talk about my recent trip to Italy, where I celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary with my gorgeous husband. Isn't he cute?

How Have You Misused Jesus' Name Today?

2007-10-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

"What? What are you asking me? I -- Look! Look over here at this shiny, pretty Jesus!"

This is one of the oddest things I've ever seen. I'm so impressed with this reporter's composure and restraint, letting this guy's idiocy speak for itself. It's like a Daily Show skit, but it's real . . .

New Zen: Peace. Now.

2007-10-14T20:01:00.001-07:00

And this picture of my boys, friends, illustrates one of the big reasons why I love being a part of a Quaker meeting . . .

New Zen: Dark Night of the Summer

2007-10-14T19:55:00.001-07:00

I was so busy with school starting and all, that I forgot to post my column at Literary Mama about school starting and all . . .

Editing is Hell

2007-10-10T10:08:00.000-07:00

Please forgive my prolonged absence from the blog. I'm currently editing an anthology about the intersection of motherhood and politics, and my book is due November 1. This means that I've been spending a lot of time doing this to people:

New Zen: Searching for Words

2007-08-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

I got to read my new Lit Ma column this weekend at a fundraiser for Write Around Portland. The event was organized by two lovely friends, Michelle Freedman (author of The Ravioli Kid) and Margaret Foley, co-founder of Thereby Hangs a Tale. A number of my friends showed up, including Linera Lucas and Dena DeCastro. Such fun!

This piece -- about God and gender, and about not knowing what to teach my children about God and gender, among other things -- made me particularly nervous because of how I know it would be received by those friends of mine who are conservative Evangelicals (something I once was, before my liberal Quaker days), if they were to find and read it. I've been feeling sad and anxious lately, too -- overwhelmed by sparse summer childcare, a looming deadline, our beloved dog's diagnosis with cancer, the difficulty of living in a too-small house. Life doesn't feel easy these days. It's nice, if the face of all that, to participate in an event that was such fun, and to connect with such lovely people.

Outsourcing Childcare

2007-07-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

Some days, this would look pretty good . . .

Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas

Welcome Back, Potter

2007-07-29T14:08:00.001-07:00

To celebrate the release of the new/last Harry Potter book, I'm posting this video starring Patrick Towne, brilliant actor in his own right and also husband of author/actress Brett Paesel. I had the honor of co-hosting a MotherTalk event last year for the release of Brett's book, Mommies Who Drink. Brett is hilarious, brilliant, savvy, and somebody you not only want to read but want to be friends with. At the end of the night, Pat came by to pick up Brett, and the few of us left talked and laughed until the wee hours. Pat is like the brother or brother-in-law or cousin you wish was in YOUR family, just so would have an excuse to hang out regularly. I love these people.

Anyway, Pat plays a grown-up Harry Potter in this video. It won't make sense to those who didn't watch bad 1970s TV. But for those of us who did . . . well, I think you'll agree that this is dead on. I especially appreciate the Overbearing Laugh Track and the "freeze frame" final shot. Brilliant!

Last Night at the Zoo

2007-07-29T11:27:00.001-07:00

Last night, we saw Pink Martini in concert at the Oregon Zoo, with some friends of ours. (Thanks, Liz and Casey, for saving us seats! Traci, we missed you!) I am a huge fan of China Forbes and Thomas Lauderdale and Co., especially the new album, Hey, Eugene! I can't find a video of my favorite new song, "Dosvedanya Mio Bambino," but here's one of my other new favorite, the new album's title track: "Hey, Eugene!"

And here's a great video of the good old Pink Martini standard, "Sympathique." Not new news, but, oh, I do so like the video!

8 Random Things

2007-07-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

I have been tagged for a meme by my friend Linera. I've never done a meme before, but what the heck? Even if it does steal all my good material for when I play "Two Truths and a Lie"! So, okay. Here we go with 8 random things about me:

1. I have been in the hospital ICU unit twice: in the spring of 2002, when I came extremely close to dying of pneumonia, and in the fall of 2004, when I had open heart surgery for a condition that also very nearly killed me.

2. During my heart surgery, I was essentially "dead" for 29 minutes, during which the doctors drastically lowered my body temperature and took me off the heart-lung machine while working on a particularly tricky section of my heart.

3. As far as I can tell, I suffered no brain damage. As far as I can tell, I suffered no brain damage. (Ha ha! That was Craig's little joke after the surgery…)

4. My grandfather was a contortionist.

5. My grandfather invented the famous "Master Cleanser" lemonade detox diet.

6. I have had e. Coli. (Waaaay up there, in terms of pain; though not quite as bad as recovery from heart surgery.)

7. My husband and I adopted one of our children and had the other two via gestational surrogacy.

8. In 2005, I had a terrible, brutally painful (on par with the e. Coli) abscess/staph infection in my leg. (Left a nasty scar.)

What strikes me most about my 8 random things is how many are medically related. If I had lived in any other time, I would have died long ago, from one of scores of different illnesses. Medical technology has saved my ass so often, it's frightening. More than that, it gave me at least two of my children. (Twenty years ago, the boys wouldn't even have been possible.)

Amazing!

And now, in keeping with the theme of randomness, here are three old photos of my children, which I'm posting for no particular reason other than I think they (children and photos) are beautiful.

If You Love Something, Set It Free. If It Comes Back, It's Yours; If It Doesn't, It Never Was? Discuss.

2007-07-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

While we were on vacation last week, Craig fashioned small boats out of driftwood and sticks for the children. After Eugenia's floated away just before bedtime, she began to panic.

Eugenia: My boat! My boat! GET IT!

Me: But it's floating! That's what boats do.

Craig: Let it go, honey. Maybe the water will bring it back, and you'll find it on the shore in the morning.

Eugenia: But MYYYYYY BOOOOAAAT!!!!!

Me (ironically): "If you love something, set it free . . ."

Eugenia (sounding world-weary and utterly disgusted): That NEVER works!

Nobody Knows Me Like My Baby

2007-07-17T16:56:00.000-07:00

Craig: Does Will finish your sentences, too?

Me: Well--

Will: Yep.

"I Love Coffee, I Love Tea . . ."

2007-07-06T23:25:00.000-07:00

This morning, my husband Craig slept in, sick, while I got ready to take the kids to summer camp and pick up a latte. When it was time to leave the house, I couldn't find my car keys, so I grabbed Craig's and left him this note:

When I got home later, Craig held up the paper towel and pointed at it with a puzzled look on his face.

"I had no idea," he said, "that you and my keys were so close."

This is Just Patently Silly

2007-07-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

My husband is an inventor, so he keeps up on this stuff. Here's what's new at www.PatentlySilly.com.

I especially like the third item on the page: "Female Doll Resembling an Angel." PatentlySilly.com says: "Kids, never talk to a giant angel with a sword and no halo." Luckily, the giant angel also has no hands, and thus cannot access the sword in her sheath (she said in a Dwight Schrute voice).

A Little Bit of Perspective for Breakfast

2007-07-03T11:32:00.001-07:00

Last night I opened up my laptop and read the news about W commuting Libby's prison sentence.

"Son of a --!"

"What?" Craig asked. I thrust out the computer screen angrily. "Oh. Yeah." He nodded. "I know."

I proceeded to rant furiously about Bush's cronies and how they get away with everything.

Then this morning, I read Ben's take on the whole thing. I shook my head. While (hardened cynic that I am) I can't go so far as to echo goodhearted Ben's last, credit-giving two sentences (and, at the risk of dating myself, my saying that "Bush got it right" is as likely to happen as Arthur Fonzarelli admitting that he was ever "Wrr-rr-rrrong"), this post absolutely made me sit up and reconsider my position. Do I believe in compassion, or don't I? Do I believe in mercy only for those people I like and agree with? I'm still furious with G.W. for the horrific damage his administration has done, domestically and globally. But I'd hate to see anyone rot in jail. (Thanks for setting me straight, Ben. Give my love to Megs.)

LATER CLARIFICATION: Several hours later, after I've had time to think about it, I still think GWB is as much of a grade-A you-know-what as ever (like that was in question?). He didn't do this because he's compassionate and merciful, but because he wants his administration to get away with a bunch of $#!+. And that still royally pisses me off. But while I do think Libby's actions were inexcusable, I think of his wife and kids, and I can almost feel the relief. It's just a shame he's the only guy in the country who's getting cut a break. The ones who really suffered in this -- Valerie Plame and all the undercover operatives who worked with her -- are the ones who are up a creek. So sad, really.

Thoughts from the Abbess

2007-07-01T20:27:00.002-07:00

LOVE this post (excerpt to follow) from Magpie Girl, a.k.a. the Urban Abbess:

"My girls are attending half-day church camp this week. . . One of the downfalls of this particular camp that makes it tip into the “indoctrination camp” category at least once each year, is that mid-week the group leaders give the kids a piece of paper asking them to sign if they’ve made a decision “to accept Jesus as their personal Savior . . ."

New Zen: Thoughts on Turning 40

2007-06-25T10:36:00.001-07:00

More new Zen, baby. All about my birthday weekend. I'm getting ooooooold, my sistas and brothas.

My children's beloved former nanny showed up with a bottle of wine branded "Jezebel." Later in the evening, while my two regular babysitters poured shots of Wild Turkey down their throats, the rest of us (mostly moms who had to get up early the next morning) shouted in horror and admiration.

"You have great friends," they all said to me, one after the other. "Let's do this for your birthday every year!" By Shari MacDonald Strong.

Got Trojans?

2007-06-24T17:13:00.001-07:00

This morning, as we were driving to our Quaker meeting, our family stopped at an intersection where nine or ten girls from a local high school rally squad were standing on the corners, holding signs that said things like "Go Trojans!" and "Oh, yeah, Trojans," and hollering for cars to come into the gas station to participate in their car wash fundraiser.

While we waited for the light co change, I smiled through the window at the girls and muttered to Craig, "Can you imagine being a Trojan? Having your team name be 'the Trojans'? How do the other teams not just laugh at them?"

"Yeah," said Craig seriously. "But at least they get to chant: 'We've got condoms. Yes, we do. We've got condoms. HOW 'BOUT YOU?"

Old/New Zen: A Lesson from Tinky and Jerry

2007-06-24T17:01:00.001-07:00

I forgot to post my last Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance column, written shortly after Jerry Falwell's death. I've seen a lot of conservatives write affectionately about Falwell in recent weeks, but I personally don't see it as a bad thing that he'll no longer be serving as a spokesperson for Christianity.

"As a Christian I feel that role modeling the gay lifestyle is damaging to the moral lives of children," Falwell wrote in a statement [about the Teletubbies] at the time. Notably missing was any speculation as to what modeling harsh views and behaviors in the name of religion does to these same kids. Or about the damage done to our society when spiritual leaders who emphasize judgment over love serve as spokespersons for an entire religion. (I won't even get into the questionable logic that credits an asexual purse-carrying fictional character with "modeling the gay lifestyle.") By Shari MacDonald Strong.

The Tears of a Clown

2007-06-06T17:25:00.000-07:00

Me: Did you hear that they're closing down the clown house on Alberta?

Craig: The what?

Me: There's a brightly painted house down on Alberta, and a bunch of clowns live there and ride their big, tall clown bikes all around the neighborhood. The owner of the house couldn't resist selling any longer, and now all the clowns have to move out. I read all about it in the paper. It's really sad.

Craig (nodding seriously): Yeah. Makes you want to draw a teardrop on each cheek, doesn't it?

Don't Fence Him In

2007-05-29T20:57:00.001-07:00

Four-Year-Old Will (singing along with me at bedtime):

I want to ride to the ridge where the West commences,
Gaze at the moon until I lose my menses...

The End Is Near

2007-05-27T16:34:00.001-07:00

My dog has cancer. I'm heartbroken.

The Vomit Chronicles: Episode 136

2007-05-22T16:41:00.000-07:00

Conversation in the car on the way home from school:

Macky: Mama, Jackson threw up at school today!

Will: Yeah! In the DIRT!

Macky: It was disgusting!

Eugenia (looking out the window to see where we're headed): Mama, do I have piano lessons today?

Me: No.

Eug: Why not?

Me: Because we have so much to get done today. And because I'm tired. I don't really feel all that well.

Macky: I hope ya don't throw up!

Me: I hope so, too. I suppose it's possible, though, if I've got whatever Jackson had.

Eugenia: What did Jackson have?

Will: Corn.

Pity the Fool Who Forgets Mother's Day

2007-05-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

Do what the man says (once you stop cringing).

Thanks, Mr. T.

Did You Hear the One about the Mom Who Lost Her Mind?

2007-05-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

Overheard in the car on the way home from school:

Will: Macky, knock-knock!

Macky: Who's there?

Will: ...

Macky (testily): Who's there?

Will: Um... Why did the chicken cross the road?

Macky: Who's there? (cracks himself up)

Will (also cracking up): Why did the chicken cross the road?

Macky: WHO'S THERE?!?!

Will: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?!?!???

Macky: WHO'S THERE?!?!

Will: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?!?!???!!!!!!!!!

Macky: WHOOOOOO'S THERE?! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Five minutes later, following several minutes of purposeful belching, screaming, and arguing on the kids' part:

Me: You guys, I'm serious! KNOCK it off!

(Pause.)

Will: Who's there?

* * *

Later that night:

Me: Macky, put that grate back in the floor. Stop touching that. No. No! NO!!!! No, no, no, no, stop, nooooooooo! What part of "No" don't you understand?

(Pause.)

Macky: "No"?

Never Trust a Man Named "Frosty" on the Subject of Global Warming

2007-05-01T20:56:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite Daily Show segment EVER. And that is saying A LOT.

New Zen: Of Loss and Love

2007-05-01T18:09:00.000-07:00

In my new column: a response to the tragedy at Virginia Tech.

Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance To say that the tragedy at Virginia Tech is a parent's worst nightmare is the grossest of understatements. Losing a child is our biggest fear, our unspeakable dread. . . But it isn't practical, even for near-paranoid parents like me, to live perpetually at Code Orange. We simply can't keep our children safe by the sheer force of our will. By Shari MacDonald Strong

Where's My Batmobile?

2007-04-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

Macky: Mama, everyone in da whole wide world has arch enemies. Right?

Me: Whaaa?

Macky: Mama, you have arch enemies. Right?

Me: Um, I don't think so, honey.

Macky: Yes, ya do!

Me (thinking about our "War Is Not the Answer" sign in the front yard): No. I really don't.

Macky: Uh-hunh! George Bush!

Me: Well. You have a point.

This Friend Speaks for Me

2007-04-15T13:39:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Miriam, for the link. Beautifully put, Gwen. She states things so perfectly, I can only say, as the Quakers do: This Friend speaks for me.

How has our society gotten to the point where we put up with the crap that spews from the mouths of folks like Imus, Limbaugh, O'Reilly, and Trump? I'm grateful that CBS Radio canned him. I'm just stunned that it took so long for somebody, somewhere to respond to one of these nasty rants with: "Enough!"

New-ish Zen: A Home So Far Away

2007-04-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

This month in Zen: When talk of eternity keeps people from experiencing heaven on Earth.

Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance Since my teen years, I've learned a lot about being human and about being a citizen of this planet. I discovered long ago that considering myself "set apart" was no way to make friends -- or to make people feel loved. By Shari MacDonald Strong.

Mr. Deity: The Next Christopher Guest?

2007-03-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

Never before have I wanted so badly to see a movie that wasn't available for viewing.

I am a HUGE fan of Mr. Deity. (Episode 9 is new.) Now, I find that Mr. D's crew is also behind this short film, which isn't available through Netflix, or anywhere else, that I can tell. Watch the trailer and share in my sorrow.

The good news is, these folks are planning to make the original short film, which was called KILLING THE DREAM, into a full-length feature film, entitled 15 MINUTES LATER. So, it should be available for viewing, if not soon, at least eventually.

Whew! Thank Mr. Deity.

P.S. There's also a Mr. Deity fan blog site for the extra faithful.

It's Official! THE MATERNAL IS POLITICAL Anthology, Call for Submissions

2007-03-28T15:12:00.000-07:00

JUNE 1 UPDATE: I'm still accepting submissions, for a limited time. Contact me if you're interested in submitting, and we'll talk about a timeline.

Some months ago, I posted an initial call for submissions, for a literary anthology I am in the process of compiling. I'm now thrilled to announce that my agent, Linda Loewenthal (David Black Agency), has struck a deal with the fine folks at Seal Press. The book is scheduled to release in Spring 2008, and I'll continue to accept submissions for the next couple of months. Here's the official, updated call for submissions (soon to be posted also on Seal Press's website):

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS:
THE MATERNAL IS POLITICAL

In the 1960s, “the personal is political” became a defining phrase for the women’s movement. Challenging the idea that a person’s circumstances were her (or his) own to transcend, “the personal is political” highlighted the need for people to address social injustices through the political process and not just as individual, unrelated problems. This insight sprang from the recognition that feelings of exclusion and exploitation are experienced not in a vacuum but within the context of a larger group, and that sources of oppression are both systemic and political and thus must be challenged and changed from within the political realm.

Although exclusion and exploitation remain a very real part of women’s experience today, enthusiasm regarding political involvement as an agent of change in our culture has waned. However, third wave feminism and an emerging mother’s movement offer fresh hope and promise for the future. How are mothers affecting the current political landscape? What are the political and social issues that matter most to moms today? How does the world of politics change when women with children become involved? What are the threads that connect motherhood and politics—and, most importantly, what crucial work is happening now at the place where the two meet?

Exploring the vital connection between motherhood and social change, The Maternal Is Political features moving stories by women who are striving to make the world a better place for children and families: both their own and other women’s, domestically and globally. A volume of literary essays written by and for mothers -- one of the largest and potentially most influential voting blocks in the nation -- The Maternal Is Political will help women with children to visualize and claim our collective political clout: motivating us to discover, appreciate, and use with greater effectiveness our tremendously powerful (and too often underutilized) political votes and voices. How do your politics affect the way you parent? How has motherhood affected or changed your politics? Possible topics include (but are not limited to) the following:

• Mothers working for change in the education system in the U.S. (addressing quality of education, segregation between inner-city schools and affluent, white suburban schools)
• A mother teaching her child(ren) about how to love the earth and live in ecologically responsible ways
• First-hand stories of motherhood and politics from the Civil Rights movement or the 1960s/70s women’s movement
• Getting out of poverty with kids in tow (what does this woman have to say to the government?)
• Two mothers raising their children together; how are they teaching their children about nationalized homophobia and how their lives will be affected because of it?
• A woman of color’s perspective on raising a child while fighting racism (e.g., a story from New Orleans and the connection between racism and how her children’s lives were changed by Katrina)
• How motherhood changed one woman’s political affiliation or level of involvement
• Involving children in a political campaign
• A mother’s response to her child being sent to Iraq or Afghanistan/becoming active in the anti-war movement
• How one mother helped to trigger or bring about social change in her community
• A mother’s run for political office
• Growing up as the child of a politically involved mother, and how that shapes one’s mothering
• Spearheading a mothers’ political movement
• Resisting pressure to vote as dictated by one’s culture or community
• Events leading to solidarity with mothers in war-torn countries
• Mothers’ catalysts for switching political parties
• A mother helping her son to avoid or prepare for the draft (or a mother planning for a potential future draft)
• A mom voting for the first time (or for the first time in decades)
• Traveling to Cindy Sheehan’s “Camp Casey” or to a national peace march (possibly with one’s child)
• Volunteering in a political campaign for the first time
• Dealing with a child’s choice to differentiate from (i.e., vote differently than) her/his parents politically; facing the fear and anxiety (both the child’s and the mother’s) that come with a child’s political awakening
• How a woman’s family has been affected (positively or adversely) by political role models (Hillary Clinton, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Laura Bush, etc.)
• A mother’s fight to see specific mother- or family-related legislation passed
• The effect of “the politics of motherhood” on one’s family life
• Challenging the politics of abortion under circumstances that pose significant personal risk
• Choosing for political reasons to move one’s family to another country (or to return to one’s homeland for the same reasons)
• Historical experiences of the intersection between motherhood and war (WWII, Korea, Vietnam, Gulf War, etc.)
• Global experiences with cultures that are more politically/governmentally honoring to mothers
• Mothers raising their children in a counter-cultural fashion, due to political convictions
• Stories that illustrate ways in which motherhood itself is a form of activism
• Any event that illustrates the collective political power of mothers

Please note that the editor is seeking literary essays with a beginning, middle, and end (stories), as opposed to essays that read like op-ed pieces. Preference will be given to submissions that show, rather than tell, letting the story unfold; to those stories that subtly elicit a response from the reader, rather than preaching; to pieces that include action, dialogue, and description (also the elements of great fiction).

EDITOR: Shari MacDonald Strong edits the creative nonfiction department at Literary Mama, writes the "Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance" column about motherhood and spirituality for Literary Mama, and authors the "Girl Meets Family" column for Mamazine. Her essay, "On Wanting a Girl," appeared in It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters, edited by Andrea J. Buchanan (Seal Press). Shari is the mother of twin boys born via gestational surrogacy and a daughter adopted from Russia. She blogs at www.sharimacdonaldstrong.blogspot.com.

PUBLISHER: Seal Press, an imprint of Avalon Publishing Group and Perseus Books. Slated for spring 2008.

DEADLINE: June 1, 2007

LENGTH: 2,000-5,000 words

FORMAT: Essays must be typed, double-spaced, and paginated. Please include your address, phone number, email address, and a short bio on the last page. Previously published essays will be considered, though original material will be given highest priority. Essays will not be returned.

SUBMITTING: Electronic submissions only, please. Send essay electronically as a Word document (with .doc extension) to Shari MacDonald Strong at maternal.political[at]gmail.com, replacing [at] with @. Please include your last name in the title of the document (e.g., Strong.doc).

PAYMENT: $100 plus two books

REPLY: Please allow until October 1 for a response. If you haven’t received a response by then, please assume your essay has not been selected. Unfortunately, it is not possible to reply to every submission personally.

"I Know That He Is Jiving, Whatever Men May Say..."

2007-03-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

In honor of Easter, I'm re-posting my favorite entry from last year (because its content will never cease to amuse me):

Last week, our kindergartener Eugenia made this masterpiece in her Sunday school class at the Quaker meeting we’ve been attending. It is a cross that is decorated with foam Easter lilies and has (like all great artwork) a hole in the middle for hanging over a doorknob. This luminous work of genius (pronounced by my husband to be our most cherished family heirloom) would say ‘He Lives’ but for a brilliantly placed, backwards ‘L’: settling, once and for all, the age-old question about Jesus: “Does he, or doesn't he?”

A Weekend with the Strongs

2007-03-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

A Saturday afternoon conversation.

Seven-year-old Eugenia (cracking pistachios): What fun thing are we going to do today?

Me (typing on the computer): You're looking at it.

Eugenia (disgusted): You mean, being bored, with nothing to do?

Me: Welcome to life.

Eugenia (sarcastically): What fun!

Craig (to Eugenia): Wow! Great attitude, sweetie!

* * *

Craig and I arrive at the movie theater before the box office opens on Friday night and have to spend six minutes in line together.

Craig (after the box office finally opens): That was the longest six minutes of my life!

Me: I'm sorry.

Craig: ...

Me: Isn't it interesting, the things you can get away with saying after you're married that you really can't say when you're dating?

Heartbreak in Siberia

2007-03-19T12:42:00.000-07:00

My heart is with the people of Novokuzketsk today, following this coal mine explosion that has taken at least 74 lives. Novokuznetsk is the city Craig and I flew in and out of when we adopted our daughter from a nearby city. Life is extremely hard in this region, and this blow must be nearly unbearable. My thoughts are very much with the families and friends of the miners today, and I'll be holding them in the light.

New Zen: Thoughts on a Daughter Who Doesn't Always Obey

2007-03-06T14:54:00.001-08:00

In this month's new column at Lit Ma: Control Freak Mother Meets Strong Willed Daughter.

Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance My seven-year-old knows exactly what she wants in life, and when she wants something she's nearly unstoppable. As a parent, this makes me proud. It also exhausts me. It's my job to keep her safe. I'm the water to her fire. I get tired of being water. By Shari MacDonald Strong.

Diet Coke, I Wish I Knew How to Quit You...

2007-02-22T13:13:00.000-08:00

My husband has tried for years to get me to quit Diet Coke. He worries, for good reason, about the vast amounts of aspartame that I've ingested over the last two decades. Aspartame, by the way, is pronounced ASS-per-tame, not ass-PAR-tuh-MAY, as in: Aspartame, Greek God of Synthetic Substances. Not that I didn't know that, not that I learned that the hard way by embarrassing myself in front of literate, knowledgeable people. People who know how to pronounce common words. Not me. [Cough, cough.]

In any case, Craig has long been building a strong case, including the argument that aspartame was developed as a substance to aid in the fattening up of cattle, and evidence that Rumsfeld was a key player in the push for its common use. "If the fact that Rumsfeld was behind it isn't enough to make you quit," my husband said one day, shaking his head sadly, "I can't imagine what is."

Me, either, apparently, because I just kept drinking the stuff. Until two weeks ago, when I suddenly decided to get off the diet cola sauce. Since then, I've managed, just barely, to keep my life and household running, despite the fact that all I want to do is lie in bed, comatose. As it turns out, energy is is short supply in this old body, and it may well be that the Diet Coke rust is the one thing that's been holding this listing barge together in recent years.

Meanwhile, I've been dodging bullets such as email problems, one child's school struggles, and other thorny issues; I've also had wonderful experiences and have basked in the glow of other exciting developments I'll describe in more detail shortly. Thanks for bearing with me, and stay tuned. I'll be back in the regular blogging saddle very soon...

Meanwhile, here's a snatch of conversation from this afternoon, as the boys and I walked in the door from preschool:

Macky: Mama, do you want to see my painting?

Me: Yes, I do, sweetie. Wow, what a lot of pretty colors!

Macky: See, the poop and the pee gets sucked down into the hot lava...

Me: Uh, is that what it's a picture of?

Macky: Yeah. The blue stuff is the poop and pee...

Will: I'll be the poop!

Macky: I'll be the pee!

Me: ....

At least, I think that's how the conversation went. I may be hallucinating. You know, from the Diet Coke withdrawal.

New Zen: My Child, the Bible Thumper

2007-02-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

In my new column this month, I explore my ambivalence concerning my daughter's awakening sense of spirituality/religiosity.

Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance "I can read my Bible!" my daughter announces at her brothers' preschool, to the Christian and Muslim and Jewish and Atheist parents slipping in and out. "The LORD now speaks to Moses!" she shouts. Some look amused, others slightly alarmed. By Shari MacDonald Strong.

Link-o-Rama

2007-01-19T22:47:00.000-08:00

On the positive side, it's been a stellar week for links. Here are a few new favorites:

I saw this online several years ago and mourned deeply when it disappeared off the site where it had been posted. Great was my rejoicing this week when I discovered it again. It was funny before I had kids. Now, it's just too good for words. From Atom Films: "Millions of children each day are left alone with crayons and paper, the vast majority of whom gleefully animate without loss or injury. There are those precious few, however, who must bear the weight of wax-gone-bad. Three-year-old Aidan may have followed all the rules, but in a moment of carelessness, his own creation will go horribly wrong."

For all those who love musicals. Or potty humor. Or Scrubs. Or any combination of the three.

Warning: this one is spit-Diet-Coke-out-your-nose funny. (I mean that as a good thing.) ~~It's also highly sacreligious~~ It also may be seen as sacreligious. An insightful send-up of the human desire to see images of God/the Sacred when evidence of the sacred is everywhere. Don't watch if you fear being struck by lightning. (Thanks, Kimmo!)

It's Been One of Those Weeks...

2007-01-19T22:22:00.000-08:00

There may be 50 Ways to Lose a Lover, but there are about a bajillion ways to Lose It As a Parent, "It" being your temper, your cool, your sanity, your sense that you're a competent human being who can do this one small thing, which is to manage in some small, reasonable way the behavior of this small, unreasonable person who lives under your roof and says unreasonably unreasonable things like, "It's so unfair that parents get to have all the fun and KIDS HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK!" This, after you've racked up a sleep deficit of roughly 3,479 hours, after you've shopped for all the groceries and cooked all the meals and prepared all the snacks and wiped the bottoms and done all the laundry and swept up all the god-knows-what-it-is and sponged up all the sticky marks on the furniture and floors and the ceiling and paid the bills and picked up the coats and the hats and the socks and the underwear-with-the-stripes and taken the temperatures and wiped the fevered temples and smeared medicine on the impetigo and the eczema and the cuts and the pink eye –after you've CAUGHT THE DAMN PINK EYE – after you've put up with thousands of tantrums, NOT THAT YOU'RE BITTER, OR ANYTHING, for four good years.

So here's one way to lose it. Start by running around desperately on a Thursday morning, trying to make the lunches and dress the kids and get into their small bodies some food that isn't Popsicles. Ignore the millionth plea to have Popsicles for breakfast. Resist the urge to stop and stare at your child incredulously, to waste time wondering, Why in God's name do you still ask me for Popsicles for breakfast? I've NEVER ONCE agreed to Popsicles for breakfast! Notice frost everywhere on the 25-minute commute to your first-grader's school. When your daughter begs for the umpteenth time for you to let her walk into the school by herself, give in. When she pauses at the door and waves you proudly, smile and wave back, feel good about giving her more responsibility, watch to make sure she gets in safely, then drive away. Five minutes from home, turn on the radio and learn that all the schools are closed due to weather. Look at the clear roads; wonder what the hell is going on. Panic. Picture your first-grader hitchhiking back to your house. Race home and call the school. Feel your cheeks warm as the administrator tells you that yes, the school is closed but your daughter is safe in the office, and perhaps this is one of the reasons it's a good idea not to let the children walk into the school by themselves. Tell your husband, packed and standing at the front door so you can drive him to the airport for his business trip, that you have to go back and pick up your daughter. Drive 25 minutes back to the school, where you're told that your daughter has to go home, then 25 minutes back home to pick up your husband. Barely get your husband to the airport on time. Learn from your daughter the next day that all the kids who showed up after you left got to stay for the rest of the day.

Spend the subsequent three-day weekend acting as both mom and dad while your husband is in Texas. Learn that your husband may get snowed in, in Texas. Feel your sanity slipping out of your head, one thin grain at a time. Look forward to Tuesday morning, OH, BLESSED TUESDAY MORNING!, when school is open again, when you will have a few minutes to yourself, when you will wrap your shaking hands around a latte that some kind soul make FOR YOU, a few minutes in which to coax your skittish mind, like a nervous little squirrel, back into your head for another day.

On Tuesday morning, wake up to fresh snow. Check the news updates every three minutes to make sure there's school. Nearly weep from relief that everything's on schedule. At 8:10 a.m., as you're on the way out the door, get a call from your friend, telling you that school was just canceled. Spend much of the day letting your children veg out on TV, because it keeps them out of your hair, and you don't know if you can take it anymore. Pray that there will be school tomorrow, because all the good food is running out and you can't take one more tantrum over the fact that there is no more applesauce in the house. And the kids aren't taking it so well, either. On Tuesday night, learn that school is canceled the next day. Try to plan meals that don't involve milk or meat or bread or anything that doesn't come in a can. Count the hours, then later the minutes, until your husband's return.

On Wednesday, feel ashamed of how cranky you've gotten, of the fact that for the first time ever, you told your daughter to "Shut up," simply because you can't take it anymore. Explain to your daughter that you're sorry, that saying that was wrong, that you should never have said it, and she should never say it, either. After you pick up your husband at the airport, go to Elmer's Pancake House for dinner with the family, where your daughter will loudly announce to all the nice little old people that you told her to "Shut up."

That night, roughly 50 minutes after falling into a badly needed sleep, wake up to your son's croupy cough. Give him medicine and tuck him into your bed, next to you. Just as you are dropping off again, hear him gag. Cup your hands as he vomits half-digested Elmer's spaghetti and meatballs into the trough made from your fingers to forearms. Wake husband. Spend 40 minutes cleaning up child, bed, and self. Discover that one of your other children has wet the bed. Repeat cycle. Fifteen minutes after everyone is back in bed, awaken to first child vomiting in the hall. Again. When it's all over, find yourself unable to go back to sleep.

How do you nearly lose it as a dad? Come home to all this.

New Zen: Happy Imperfect New Year

2007-01-07T16:02:00.000-08:00

My new column, about New Year's resolutions and self-acceptance this month, is up at Literary Mama.

Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance Miraculously, attempts to corral God via acts of piety dropped off my yearly lists of resolutions somewhere between the eleventh grade and the births of my first two children. (Though I confess I still haven't shaken that old, nagging feeling that God will bless me more fully once I finally get my shit together.) By Shari MacDonald Strong.

The Gentlelady from California

2007-01-04T11:31:00.000-08:00

As I watched Minority Leader Rep. John Boehner introduce incoming Speaker of the House Rep. Nancy Pelosi at the opening of the 110th Congress just minutes ago, my eyes welled; I've never felt prouder to be an American than I did when watching this historic moment. I especially loved seeing the large number of children in the audience. I don't know which Congressmen and/or Congresswomen brought their kids and grandkids today, but I do know that the presence of those children brought a sense of hope and real-life relevance to the proceedings that somehow bolstered, in some way, my flagging faith in our government.

In her speech, Nancy Pelosi thanked her husband, Paul, and her five children, who supported her, as she said, as she transitioned "from the kitchen to the Congress." In her own words, about her role as first woman Speaker of the House:

"It's historic moment for the Congress; it's a historic moment for the women of America. It is a moment for which we have waited for over 200 years, never losing faith. We waded through the many years of struggle to achieve our rights. But women weren't just waiting, women were working…to achieve the promise of America: that all men and women are created equal.

"For our daughters and our granddaughters, today we have broken the marble ceiling. For our daughters and our granddaughters, now the sky is the limit. Anything is possible for them."

Amen.

P.S. Also of note: a moving speech by first female Chair of the House Rules Committee, Louise Slaughter. I feel exceedingly proud of the women in our government today.

Brokenhearted Families and the Iraq War

2006-12-13T10:54:00.000-08:00

This is an amazing photo essay about the return of soldiers' bodies to their loved ones. The second half, about the widow who is 5-1/2 months pregnant, nearly leveled me. If we're not already convinced, this -- along with the hundreds of thousands of lost Iraqi lives, and the hundreds of thousands of wounded U.S. soldiers and Iraqis -- is why every one of us must do everything we can to end this war at the earliest moment possible.

Story by Jim Sheeler. Photos by Todd Heisler.

Sit Down for Change. Stand Up for Peace! Moms (and Non-Moms) Get Fed Up. Part Two.

2006-12-12T20:32:00.000-08:00

Truly, truly, this woman is my hero. Looking at all these crosses takes my breath away. It's time for a change. Sadly (though, of course, this is far, FAR from the saddest thing about all this), it looks like there's a limit to how accurate the memorial will be in the future.

(Photo by Karen Gustavson.)

Moms Are Getting Fed Up with the Iraq War -- and Rightly So. Part One.

2006-12-12T20:13:00.000-08:00

From Mona Gable's blog post, "Bush: Stop Telling Families with Kids in Iraq "You Understand"! at The Huffington Post:

A few days after 11 American soldiers were killed in Iraq, I opened the mailbox to find along with the Pottery Barn holiday catalogue and other seasonal items a letter from the National Guard. Addressed to my 16-year-old son. I have no idea how they got his name and address. That's not true.

I know perfectly well how they got it. They got it the same way Bush is getting personal information about the rest of us in the guise of fighting "the terrorists." They tapped into some secret database and up popped my son's name. It was right there under the category: Potential Cannon Fodder for Iraq....

New Zen: No Guts, No Glory.

2006-12-10T19:05:00.000-08:00

My new column is up at Literary Mama.

Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance My children don't understand that some things just aren't worth fighting over. They don't listen when I say "Let it go" or "It doesn't matter." But just a few days ago, some people were saying the same things to me....

Call for Submissions: The Maternal Is Political

2006-12-06T13:59:00.000-08:00

Mother-writers, please note this call for submissions, for my most recent project:

Call for Submissions: The Maternal Is Political

In the 1960s, “the personal is political” became a defining phrase for the women’s movement. Challenging the idea that a person’s circumstances were her (or his) own to transcend, “the personal is political” highlighted the need for people to address social inequities and injustices through the political process and not just as personal, unrelated problems. This insight sprang from the then-groundbreaking recognition that feelings of exclusion and exploitation are experienced not in a vacuum but within the context of a larger group, and that sources of oppression are both systemic and political and thus must be challenged and changed from within the political realm.

Although exclusion and exploitation remain a very real part of women’s experience today, enthusiasm regarding political involvement as an agent of change in our culture has waned. However, third wave feminism and an emerging mother’s movement offer fresh hope and promise for the future. How are mothers affecting the current political landscape? What are the political and social issues that matter most to moms today? How does the world of politics change when women with children become involved? What are the threads that tie motherhood and politics – and what important work is happening now at the place where the two meet?

Exploring the vital connection between motherhood and social change, The Maternal Is Political will feature 30 moving stories by women who are striving to make the world a better place for children and families: both their own and other women’s, in this country and globally. A volume of literary essays written by and for mothers -- one of the largest and potentially most influential voting blocks in the U.S. -- The Maternal Is Political is crafted to help women visualize and claim the collective political clout of mothers: motivating us to discover, appreciate, and use with greater effectiveness our tremendously powerful (and too often underutilized) political votes and voices. Possible topics include:

• Mothers working for change in the education system in the U.S. (addressing quality of education, segregation between inner-city schools and affluent, white suburban schools)
• A mother teaching her child(ren) about how to love the earth and live in ecologically responsible ways
• Getting out of poverty with kids in tow (what does this woman have to say to the government?)
• Two mothers raising their children together; how are they teaching their children about nationalized homophobia and how their lives will be affected because of it?
• A woman of color’s perspective on raising a child while fighting racism (perhaps a story from New Orleans and the connection between racism and how her children’s lives were changed by Katrina)
• How motherhood changed one mother’s political affiliation or level of involvement
• Involving children in a political campaign
• A mother’s response to her child being sent to Iraq or Afghanistan/becoming active in the anti-war movement
• How one mother helped to trigger or bring about social change in her community
• A mother’s run for political office
• Growing up as the child of a politically involved mother
• Spearheading a mothers’ political movement
• Resistance to pressure to vote as dictated by one’s culture (e.g., conservative religious communities)
• Events leading to solidarity with mothers in war-torn countries
• Mothers’ catalysts for switching political parties
• A mother helping her son to avoid the draft (or a mother planning for a potential future draft)
• A mom voting for the first time (or for the first time in decades)
• Traveling to Cindy Sheehan’s “Camp Casey” (possibly with one’s child)
• Volunteering in a political campaign for the first time
• Dealing with a child’s choice to differentiate from her/his parents politically; facing the fear and anxiety (both the child’s and the mother’s) that come with a child’s political awakening
• How a woman’s family has been affected (positively or adversely) by political role models (Hillary Clinton, Barbara Boxer, Laura Bush, etc.)
• A mother’s fight to see specific mother- or family-related legislation passed
• The effect of “the politics of motherhood” on one’s family life
• Challenging the politics of abortion under circumstances that pose significant personal risk
• Choosing for political reasons to live with one’s family in another country (or to return to the U.S. for the same reasons)
• Historical experiences of the intersection between motherhood and war (WWII, Korea, Vietnam, Gulf War, etc.)
• Global experiences with cultures that are more politically/governmentally honoring to mothers
• Mothers raising their children in a counter-cultural fashion, due to political convictions
• Any event that illustrates the collective political power of mothers

Potential contributors: Please note that the editor is seeking stories (with a beginning, middle, and end), as opposed to essays that merely express an opinion. Preference will be given to pieces that show, rather than tell, the story; to those that subtly elicit a response from the reader, rather than preaching; to stories that include action, dialogue, and description: the elements of great fiction.

Shari MacDonald Strong is a freelance writer who lives in Portland, Oregon. Her essay "On Wanting a Girl" appeared in the Seal Press anthology It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters (edited by Andrea J. Buchanan). She writes the “Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance” column about motherhood and spirituality for Literary Mama, serves as editor of the creative nonfiction department at Literary Mama, writes an ongoing column for Mamazine, and is the organizer for Mother Talk™ events in Portland, Oregon. Shari worked as an editor and copywriter in the publishing industry for 15 years (most recently as a freelance contractor for a division of Random House), and her writing has appeared in a number of publications including Geez magazine. She recently has appeared as a guest blogger at Leslie Morgan Steiner's "On Balance" blog at www.WashingtonPost.com as well as at Austin Mama. She is the mother of three children: twin boys born via gestational surrogacy and a daughter adopted from Russia, and is married to photojournalist Craig Strong (www.strongphotography.com and www.lensbabies.com). She blogs at http://sharimacdonaldstrong.blogspot.com.

UPDATE: Please send submissions to maternal.political [at] gmail [dot] com

UPDATE 3/28/07: An updated call for submissions is posted here, with a deadline of June 1, 2007.

Mark Driscoll Apologizes; Protest Called Off

2006-12-02T09:43:00.000-08:00

If you’ve been following this blog, you know that I’ve been planning to attend an action in Seattle this Sunday, protesting pastor Mark Driscoll’s rhetoric about women. The people who were organizing the event had three goals for the protest and stated that if these were met, there would be no need to continue with the protest.

Last night, those goals were met:
1. The city of Seattle has been alerted (via local and national media) to Mark Driscoll’s use of perjorative language in regard to women.
2. The Seattle Times has removed Mark Driscoll as a religion columnist.
3. Mark Driscoll has publicly apologized and has promised to work on his use of inflammatory language and to make an effort to be more gracious in the future (hopefully, no more comparing women to fluffy baby bunnies!). (If you ever read this, Mark Driscoll: thank you very much for that public apology.)

So, the protest is off – and I must say, I’m relieved! I'm also extremely grateful that Mark Driscoll has acknowledged that changes must be made regarding his use of language; I hope those around him hold him to that. The fact that he will no longer be a columnist for The Seattle Times is also a good thing; there are many Christians in Seattle who can write about God’s love for men and women, and once Mark Driscoll demonstrates a lasting change in his language and attitude toward women, perhaps he might pursue that kind of platform again.

There are aspects of his blog post that leave me feeling sad: his portrayal of his critics as a sort of witch hunt (my words, not his), rather than a group of people who are genuinely concerned about the impact of his words on women; a propping up of his position (citing the support of Ted Haggard’s family, his statement that his “theological convictions, even the most controversial ones, are as unwavering as ever”), which seems to indicate that he doesn’t yet understand how his theological position harms women and puts them at risk; the use of manifest destiny-type language that seems to imply that he has a large church because that’s God’s plan for him and because of what he's teaching; the idea that he can't minister in Seattle if Christians are protesting Christians. (It's not a shock to see that Christians disagree with one another -- everyone already knows that, and that's not why many don't like the Christian church. People who don't like the church feel that way because Christians don't hold one another for words and actions.)

Yet, there has been movement in the direction of change, of more careful and respectful language, by Mark Driscoll, as well as acknowledgment that people have been hurt, and for that, I’m thankful. I hope this growth continues, because there's still much at stake. I was struck by the words of a woman named Valerie who posted on the blog portion of the protest site. She wrote about Mark, but these are words all religious and spiritual people should heed:

What I hope, ultimately is that Mark will come to recognize his theology itself as the root of the problem -- To understand that a stance of human certitude cannot serve the Ultimate Essence of Goodness and Truth.

Without a broader transformation, one leading to the deep humility that values doubt, Mark will continue to speak confidently for God, not know how often it is that, in reality, he puts God’s name on human constructions. Our greatest risk in the quest to serve Goodness is that we forge ahead, blind to our blindness, sanctifying our own conclusions and idolizing the teachings of our spiritual ancestors.

We have two powerful protections against this risk. The first is love -- the love that sees the Samaritan not as a potential Jew but as a “neighbor," a human being. The second is doubt, the humility that keeps us constantly aware that we all, from the prophets and apostles to modern day ministers, see the Real through a glass darkly.

Wise words. Here’s to love -- and to doubt in our own certainty. Cheers! And enjoy your protest-free Sunday!

Theythinks We Doth Protest Too Much

2006-11-29T19:54:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been lurking on a couple of blogs where folks are discussing the upcoming peaceful protest in response to Mars Hill Church pastor Mark Driscoll's demeaning comments about women. (See also here.)

It seems like people fall into one of three categories: 1) Mars Hill attendees and Mark Driscoll fans, who say that he's a nice guy who loves Jesus, and who defend his words, saying that they're taken "out of context"; 2) Christians who are concerned that protests are somehow ungodly or unbiblical; and 3) people who support and/or are planning to participate in the upcoming protest.

I sympathize with the first group. After all, they wouldn't be at that church if they didn't like Mark Driscoll, didn't get something out of his sermons. And, to be fair, while I disagree with the man's theology, I understand that he has a certain charismatic quality (is confident, is a good speaker, etc.), and I also believe those who say that he loves God, loves the Bible, loves Jesus, loves his church, etc. I'm not saying the man is a reprobate who is contributing nothing to the church or to the world; I'm simply saying that he is also saying things that are harmful to women, whether he and his followers see it, and someone needs to say: "Wake up!" and "This needs to stop." I agree that it would be best if this came from the people around him, rather than in the form of a protest. But this isn't happening. So, it makes perfect sense to me that other people of conscience are stepping in.

This brings us to the second group: People who think that protests aren't godly. Some of these folks are concerned with the biblical directive to confront "a brother" first in private. Yet, there are numerous reports of Driscoll's refusal to meet with concerned parties. He won't allow dissenters to post on his blog. He won't listen to the concerns of a woman, as he says the proper channel is for them to talk with their husbands, not to him. I've heard additional reports about him saying he doesn't have time to listen to his critics, as he's too busy "loving [his] wife." In a recent letter to his congregation, he refers to the December 3 protesters as people who "differ with our biblical convictions." An interesting way of framing the conflict; the protesters are against "biblical convictions." I, for one, have plenty of biblical convictions, none of which allow me to stand by and watch a pastor with that much power mock and demean women, particularly those who have the audacity to have and voice opinions. (Mark Driscoll, sarcastically: "I went to community college. I have a degree in women’s studies. I have a pushup bra and clear heels and opinions!" Congregation laughs.)

The people in the second group seem to feel that it isn't right for Christians to protest other Christians, that it doesn't "build up the body of Christ." The problem is, under this line of thinking, people in power can (and some do) say any mean thing they want to, slap on the words "Jesus" and "biblical," and there is no accountability. (I'd be happy not to protest if some people within Mark Driscoll's inner circle were stepping up to hold him accountable for his words. But it isn't happening. Or, if it is, it isn't working: because Driscoll's meanspirited comments about women continue.) One can argue about the advisability of protesting over matters of theology; but Mark Driscoll's comments are something else altogether. It's one thing to take a complementarian position (which I do, in fact, disagree with); it's another to teach it via mockery, sarcasm, and laughter at another group's expense. How allowing this to continue unchecked can be seen as "building up the body of Christ" is beyond me. There have been plenty or Christian churches who taught that the right thing was to keep slaves, to withhold the vote from blacks and from women, to keep women from having rights, from owning property. But then those supposedly "ungodly" protesters got involved and held up signs, engaged in peaceful protests, and helped to get the laws changed.

Those who view protests as "ungodly" see themselves as peacemakers, I think. But until mistreatment of people groups are brought to light, there can be no peace, no healing. As a dear friend wrote to me today, protests are how the "little people" – and the big, strong people – can have a way to use their voices "when only the powerful have pulpits…it's the public call to repentance as one avenue for achieving change." It's frightening to rock the boat, to assert ourselves. Not many people want to do it. Which is really, really too bad.

Thankfully, a few good men and women are willing to do it, which brings me to the third group: people who I am profoundly thankful for.

After decades of crossing paths with people like Mark Driscoll, I feel at times like I'm holding onto Christianity by my fingernails, never quite giving up, but wondering if and when things will ever change. I am deeply grateful to find myself in a Quaker meeting where people care about the homeless and the disenfranchised, about the environment, about peace – and who weekly do things about the issues they care about.

But when I look at the larger Christian church, at the failure to take a stand and enact real change, I feel like crying. I feel more alone than I want to feel. I have to remember that the bullies and those frozen by fear or apathy or and unwillingness to get involved aren't the only faces of Christianity. I have to think about those in the church I love and respect. I have to get in my car, drive up to Seattle, and hold up a sign – and hope that those of us who care can make a difference yet.

In the Event of Rapture, Getting "Left Behind" May Not Be Nonchristians' Biggest Problem...

2006-11-28T07:38:00.000-08:00

As a practicing, if not "official," Quaker, and as someone who is decidedly pro-peace, I may be vastly more sensitive to this sort of thing than most people (though I sincerely hope not). But, come on. Truly. This is the sort of thing that is accepted in the Christian church today? For real?

From CrossWalk America:

Perhaps the saddest thing of all is that Left Behind Games doesn’t think you care that they’re teaching teens to kill in the name of Jesus. In fact, they think most “mainstream” Christians will embrace it. Again, from their own FAQs:

Question: Are you concerned that the Christian community won’t want a game in their home where lives are taken and people get killed?

Answer: Absolutely not. I suppose there might be a very small number that do, but we do not expect this represents the majority of the mainstream and Christian marketplace....

Sign the petition here.

C'mon, Tyndale: Give us all something to be thankful for and pull this turkey.

Overheard at Our House Today

2006-11-27T17:21:00.000-08:00

Macky: What's our sister's name again?

Eugenia: Will, do you like antelope? Well, tonight, we're having honeydew!

Will: Mama, why is there honey in this melon?

Macky: Wait a minute! I think I see God....

"Happy Thanksgiving, Officer!"

2006-11-24T20:50:00.000-08:00

This will go down in family history not only as the year I couldn't bring myself to buy and cook a turkey because we'd just seen Fast Food Nation, but as the year Eugenia "accidentally" dialed 9-1-1 on Thanksgiving morning, winning herself a little visit from Mr. Policeman. The little turkey! (Eugenia, not the policeman.) Gobble, gobble!

In other movie news, we just got back from watching Shut Up and Sing, a documentary about the political fall-out following Dixie Chick Natalie Maines's public disapproval of George W. Bush's decision to send troops into Iraq, and about the growth the Chicks experience in the months and years that follow, as artists, as friends and sisters, and as women learning to unapologetically find and use their voices. If you can possibly see this movie, do!

Why On Earth Would I Want to Picket a Church? More on the Mark Driscoll/Mars Hill Seattle Action

2006-11-17T11:37:00.000-08:00

To: Mark Driscoll
Mars Hill Elders and Deacons
Acts 29 Church Planting Network
Seattle Times

As a Christian woman who is planning to participate in the planned December 3 protest at Mars Hill, I wanted to write to explain my reasons for wanting to do so and to share my concerns about some of Mr. Driscoll's recent teachings and writings.

Let me start by saying, I appreciate Mr. Driscoll's recent blog post, in which he amends his previous blog entry about the Ted Haggard affair and about the dangers of pastor's wives "letting themselves go." In particular, I am grateful for the gentle tone of the post. I believe that if this were the tone that he was known for, there would not be this current firestorm of emotion around his teachings.

It was the Ted Haggard post that brought Mr. Driscoll's teachings most recently to my attention. However, I live on the West coast and have heard of him before. I know both that Mark Driscoll is a very powerful man and that many, many people – a large percentage of which are women – have left Mars Hill Church and sometimes the larger church as a result of Mr. Driscoll's teachings. I also have heard that many people have sought therapy after leaving Mars Hill, as a result of the damage done by his teachings. That last statement, of course, is based on hearsay, so I went online to read some of Mr. Driscoll's writings and to listen to some sermons. In addition to the comments about women "letting themselves go," here is some of what I encountered (in random order):

• Derogatory comments made regularly and consistently about people who disagree with Mr. Driscoll’s theology, labeling them not only wrong or liberal, but “wussified,” “faggoty,” “chickified,” and “effeminate” (e.g., “if the Christ you serve is just a really nice guy – I hate to tell you, but you serve a weak, effeminate, faggoty Christ”).

• Mocking and undermining another denomination of the Christian church:
“The One God has kindly told us who He is—Father, Son, and Spirit. But some chicks and some chickified dudes with limp wrists and minors in ‘womyn’s studies’ are not happy because two persons of the Trinity have a dude-ish ring. So, in an effort to copy-edit God, some folks at the Presbyterian Church (USA) who have free time because no one is going to their church have decided to consider new names for God.”

• Comparing women in leadership to “fluffy baby bunnies”:
“All of this [the Episcopal church appointing female and homosexual leaders] has led this blogger to speculate that if Christian males do not man up soon, the Episcopalians may vote a fluffy baby bunny rabbit as their next bishop to lead God’s men. When asked for their perspective, some bunny rabbits simply said that they have been discriminated against long enough and that people need to ‘Get over it.’”

• Stating/implying that men are the only demographic that matters:
“The question is: ‘If you want to be innovative, how do you get young men?’ All this nonsense about how to grow the church – one issue: young men. That’s it – that’s the whole thing. They’re going to get married, make money, make babies, build companies, buy real estate; they’re going to make the culture of the future. If you get the young men you win the war – you get everything; you get the families, the women, the children, the money the business: you get everything. If you don’t get the young men you get nothing.”

• Calling strong women who disagree with his interpretation of Scripture “godless” and saying the Bible has “a low opinion” of them:
“If it’s a godly woman who has a godly agenda who has something godly to say, then she can speak. If she’s an ungodly woman with a godless feminist agenda that she borrowed from the serpent, like her mother Eve in Genesis 3, and she’s on some tirade mission to represent all women, which is what sometimes happens, women nominate themselves to represent all women… – I love it when the national organization for women, for example, comes out and says, ‘…and representing women…’ What women? Did they take a vote? Did all the Christian women vote? Did the mothers vote? Did the wives vote? No. You don’t represent all women. You represent a liberal feminist constituency. Period. Not all women. Not all women. But there are women who will rise up like that, saying ‘I speak for all women. I champion women’s rights. I champion women’s causes’ (sarcastically). We say, that’s not a problem if it’s in accordance with the rights and liberties and dignities that are afforded to a woman in the Bible. The Bible doesn’t have a low view of women. It just has a low view of some women.”

• Making fun of strong women and mocking feminists:
“The question is not: Will someone be offended? The question is, who will it be? Will we offend God, saying, you know what? This is an old book, you’re kind of an idiot. I have some other opinions. I went to community college. I have a degree in women’s studies. I have a pushup bra and clear heels and opinions! [Congregation laughs.] The question is, who will be offended: God or us? And if we are offended do we really believe that God doesn’t know what he’s talking about or that this really isn’t God speaking to us? Those are the issues on the table. ‘As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches.’ He’s speaking here about godless feminist women who are on an agenda, beatin’ a drum, plantin’ a flag in the ground, ‘We’re for women! We’re for women! We’re for women!’ He says, ‘You know what? We’re for Jesus.’ Wrong mission. Women are great, as long as they’re for Jesus.”

• More making fun of women and feminists:
“They [feminists] will say, ‘You need to treat me like a man!’ None of you women want that. No woman wants a man to treat her like another man. Because if we do…you cry. That’s true” [laughter and applause in congregation]. Also: “The problem with women, though, who want to be treated like men, is as soon as you do, they say, ‘You know what, you hurt my feelings. I’m a girl.’”

• Mr. Driscoll implies that Brian McLaren has sex with goats because he accepts gay people into his church.

• “…women who don’t respect godly authority are demonic.”

• Rather than Mr. Driscoll simply saying that he disagrees with the lifestyles of young men who work in coffee shops and suggesting an alternative or challenging them, he makes fun of them. He uses shame to get men to do what he wants, calling them “chickified,” “limp-wristed,” “pussy,” “faggoty.”

• More mocking of women who disagree with him, painting women who have opinions as “hot-headed” and “emotional,” and more implications that God doesn’t like these women:
“some women think they can do everything on their own and that if men sit by idly like cowards because they don’t want to get into with with their hot-headed, emotional, wives, eventually the women will take over the church, and then the church will go to hell.”

• Undermining women’s efforts to hold him accountable for his words, implying that the raising of theological questions by a woman is the same thing as them calling the Bible “ridiculous,” and calling the squelching of a woman’s intellect and voice “sexy”:
“Does it say, ‘Ladies, don’t have any questions’? Does it say that? No. Does it say, ‘Ladies, don’t disagree.’ No. Does it say, ‘Ladies, don’t think for yourself”? When you disagree, when you’re super-theological, when you’re all fired up, the first thing you don’t do is start yellin’ at the pastor and yellin’ at the church, firin’ nasty e-mails, and declarin’ war and puttin’ together a, a, little group of, you know, feminist women with guns who are gonna make a difference.
“If you’re married, you go talk to who? Your husband. You say, ‘Sweetheart, I was readin’ The Bible, I think it’s ridiculous’” And he would say, ‘We should probably talk.’ ‘Honey I was readin’ the Bible, I don’t understand.’ He should say, ‘Let’s, let’s study that together. Let’s take some time, and study -- together. Now some of you will protest and say, ‘THAT is SEXIST!’ As a married man, I will tell you, it is sexy. That’s what it is. There is nothin’ hotter than a wife with a great new testament, commentaries, concordances, and questions. That is theological foreplay. It’s awesome. Because now you’re connecting at the level of then heart and the soul and god is honoring of that.”

• Mocking homosexuals:
“I am myself a devoted heterosexual male lesbian who has been in a monogamous marriage with my high school sweetheart since I was 21 and personally know the pain of being a marginalized sexual minority as a male lesbian.”

There is more, but I believe I've more than made my point. Frankly, I am upset, I am concerned, I am angry, and I am embarrassed to belong to the same religion as Mark Driscoll. I am deeply offended – not by God, but by Mark Driscoll. If I believed that Mr. Driscoll's words and attitude were reflective of the God of Christianity, I would walk away from Christianity altogether. I read at least one report of a former Mars Hill member who has. Unfortunately, as the Christian religion writer for the Seattle Times, in addition to his other roles, Mark does for many represent the face of Christianity. As that representative, he is showing the world a religion that is mean-spirited and unkind, one that depends upon mockery and shame, cockiness and disrespect, smugness and name-calling to make its points.

I am sure that Mr. Driscoll has many fine points and I am not calling into question his love of God or Jesus or the Bible. I am, however, pointing out that his demonization of everyone who deviates from his absolutist claims is causing vast damage to individuals, to the community, and to the church. Perhaps he is trying to be hip and funny and provocative. But the price of this approach is far too high.

Again, I appreciate Mr. Driscoll's clarifying blog post about the Haggard situation, although I wish he had said "I'm sorry, I was wrong" instead of simply saying he'd been "misconstrued." Mr. Driscoll should apologize publicly for all the things referenced above, for the mean, flippant attitude with which he is attempting to deliver the gospel.

In the original, offending blog post, Mr. Driscoll wrote: "At the risk of being even more widely despised than I currently am, I will lean over the plate and take one for the team on this. It is not uncommon to meet pastors’ wives who really let themselves go; they sometimes feel that because their husband is a pastor, he is therefore trapped into fidelity, which gives them cause for laziness…" If he realized that the post would make him "more despised," then why say something he already has recognized as being despicable? Mr. Driscoll has had to apologize publicly for his abuse before; on March 27, 2006, he apologized for comments made on the CT Leadership blog, in which he (among other abuses) implied that Brian McLaren had sex with goats because he accepted gay people in his church. John Piper also has censured him for being "clever."

Yet Mark Driscoll continues to deliver messages filled with meanness and sarcasm and mockery of those who have different opinions or theological positions, and the congregation laughs whenever he does this. Who is holding him accountable? Who, among the Acts 29 community and/or Mars Hill, is talking with him about this, saying: "Mark, you can't be this mean. This has to stop"?

I realize that I am exactly the type of strong-willed, opinionated woman that Mark Driscoll believes to be "an ungodly woman with a godless feminist agenda that she borrowed from the serpent, like her mother Eve in Genesis 3." I do have an opinion about this matter (though I don't have that pushup bra he accused all feminists of having), and I feel it is my responsibility to stand up and say something. Mr. Driscoll will likely see this letter as fitting his example of those "super-theological," "fired up" "feminist women with guns who are gonna make a difference." I admit, I do hope to make some difference in this situation (no gun, though); unfortunately, I don't really expect this letter to change his heart.

I am, however, appealing to those surrounding him: Please listen. Please understand that Mark Driscoll's teachings and his harsh, unkind, mocking words are hurting women and hurting the church. Please set up some form of accountability (or, if one exists, a stronger form of accountability). Ask him to get some therapy. Until he can control his words and his tone, please ask him to step down as the religion columnist representing Christianity for the Seattle Times. Listen to his sermons with a discerning ear and hold him accountable for what he's teaching; if the tone of the above comments continues, remove him from leadership. Ask him to apologize, publicly. Most importantly of all, please set up some kind of information-seeking group within the church to hear the stories of people who have been hurt by Mr. Driscoll and his teachings – and be willing to act upon what you learn.

You have the power to do something about this. All I have is the power to write this letter. And to stand outside the church, holding a sign. Which is why I still plan to attend the protest on December 3. This isn't an attempt to be divisive and it isn't an attempt to persecute anyone, as some Mars Hill members have claimed. It's simply an attempt to say: "Somebody please do something. Please stop this." The question is: Are you listening?

Sincerely,

Shari MacDonald Strong

I Hope He Hypothetically Gets Hit by a Bus. A.K.A.: More Reasons Not to Watch the Fox Network.

2006-11-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

This breaks my heart. O.J. Simpson has written a book about how events would have unfolded had he hypothetically killed his wife Nicole and her friend, Ron Goldman. How is it possible that this man is being allowed to financially benefit from his wife's murder? What the hell is wrong with Judith Regan of ReganBooks? With its parent company, HarperCollins? "If I Did It." Yeah. Right.

Whatever you do, DON'T WATCH THIS FOX NETWORK INTERVIEW. Don't give your rubber stamp of approval for this type of behavior. DO NOT BUY THIS MAN'S BOOK. Instead, give your $16.47 to the Nicole Brown Foundation or a local women's shelter to support the fight against domestic abuse. Let's turn this slimy, pathetic, and obscene bid for media attention and financial gain into an opportunity to help some of the most vulnerable, wounded, and at-risk members of our society: battered women.

Fluffy Baby Bunnies: Unite! (Action on Dec. 3)

2006-11-13T19:51:00.000-08:00

In the days following the Ted Haggard scandal, I became aware (thank you, Bobbi) of a blog entry made by Mark Driscoll, pastor of the Mars Hill megachurch in Seattle. As he responded to what had happened in Colorado Springs, Driscoll offered what he described as “encouragement” and “practical suggestions for fellow Christian leaders, especially young men.” Of note: this excerpt from the second bullet point (boldface mine).

DRISCOLL: Most pastors I know do not have satisfying, free, sexual conversations and liberties with their wives. At the risk of being even more widely despised than I currently am, I will lean over the plate and take one for the team on this. It is not uncommon to meet pastors’ wives who really let themselves go; they sometimes feel that because their husband is a pastor, he is therefore trapped into fidelity, which gives them cause for laziness. A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband in the ways that the Song of Songs is so frank about is not responsible for her husband’s sin, but she may not be helping him either.

Unbelievably, this was written in response to Ted Haggard’s situation. I would be remiss if I didn’t suggest that possibly Ted Haggard’s problem (besides the drugs) is not that he stepped out on a wife who had “let herself go” (Gayle Haggard is an attractive woman), but that he was acting upon homosexual desires with a gay prostitute and then lying about it. I must also point out that women and wives are not property, but unique individuals who should be encouraged to do (and generally want to do, given sufficient resources and circumstances) whatever they can to take care of themselves -- not because they can then better service their husbands, but because doing so may help them to realize their own hopes for health and happiness.

For obvious reasons, Driscoll’s post was upsetting and maddening to me. Helen at Conversation at the Edge unpacks it nicely. I've never been to his church, but his reputation for doing harm is far-reaching here on the West coast. I know a therapist in Seattle who has had many former Mars Hill Church members as clients, and who has told me that those are consistently the most wounded and unhealthy (as a direct result of Driscoll's teachings) clients seen in that practice. Women, in particular, seem to suffer greatly as a result of his doctrine.

Driscoll has a national reputation as well, as indicated by this Salon article. It's interesting to note what this woman, Ally – a former parishioner at Mars Hill Church has to say.

Made newly aware of Mark's teachings, and of the damage he is reportedly doing, I checked on his blog the other day and found this post, in which he mocks Katharine Jefferts-Schori's appointment as Episcopalian bishop.

DRISCOLL (again): All of this has led this blogger to speculate that if Christian males do not man up soon, the Episcopalians may vote a fluffy baby bunny rabbit as their next bishop to lead God’s men. When asked for their perspective, some bunny rabbits simply said that they have been discriminated against long enough and that people need to "Get over it."

This is a perfect example of why and how women are still being hurt by Christianity, why long-time people of faith (like me) feel embarrassed at being associated with the contemporary Christian church. This is also why I'm going to try very hard to attend this protest. For the opportunity to simply say: Enough is enough!

For related theological debate, see also: Urban Abbess. My favorite line in comments (#133) "I ask you: was the scriptures made for humanity or humanity for scriptures?"

The Point Isn't Not to Stumble. The Point Is to Remember: Everyone Does.

2006-11-12T21:02:00.000-08:00

I've thought a lot about the Ted Haggard scandal over the last couple of weeks, and I share some of those in my newest Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance" column over at Literary Mama.

For what it's worth, I appreciate the humility of Ted Haggard's response to his congregation, and I think his wife, too, desires to respond appropriately. My question isn't whether their hearts are currently in the right place, but whether "watching" how they react in the months and years ahead is productive -- or simply more evidence of a problematic "moral performance" mindset that exists in evangelicalism.

"Looks like you may be needing a red crayon..."

2006-11-12T00:11:00.000-08:00

Do you know what your child is learning in Sunday school?

My husband is teaching my daughter's class at church this week, and he found this coloring page online while looking for activities with which to entertain the kids. (And, no, he didn't use it.)

Exactly who is using this stuff, anyway? It's a coloring page, people. For children. We should all be very afraid.

At least the ram looks happy.

But wait! There's more!

2006-11-12T00:10:00.000-08:00

Coloring murders is fun! Isn't it, Jimmy?

More Ovaltine, please!

Thank God Almighty, She's Free at Last

2006-11-09T23:26:00.000-08:00

Rosie says it best.

Now, what's to be done about poor Katie?

Thoughts on the Elephant Who Went Shopping for Spats Right After His Mother Was Murdered

2006-11-09T22:59:00.000-08:00

It isn't until you're a parent that you realize that books for kids are often downright frightening. The first time I tried to read old, beloved Babar to my own children, I about dropped the book. I don't remember it being that horrifying. But it really kind of is. This cover rendition (author/artist unknown, unfortunately), passed on to me by my friend Kirsten, sums up my feelings about the little elephant.

Hello, Birds. Hello, Bees.

2006-11-04T18:26:00.000-08:00

Macky: Do only mamas poop out babies?

Me: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Humunuh. Mumble, mumble, gerp.

Macky: I wish I could poop out a baby!

That would be a miracle, indeed.

An Evangelical, a Muslim, and a TV Star Walk into a Studio...

2006-11-04T10:14:00.000-08:00

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to say, and not to say, about the scandal surrounding ex-NAE (National Association of Evangelicals) president Ted Haggard. For now, I'll simply post a link to a discussion between Bill Maher, Bradley Whitford (oh, how I miss The West Wing!), Reza Aslan, and Sandy Rios about the documentary Jesus Camp, in which Ted Haggard briefly appears.

I can't voice my opinion better than Whitford does for me in this piece. I also was greatly moved by Whitford's piece in The Huffington Post. (This is why I keep watching Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.)

More thoughts to come, as I collect them . . .

"My Holiday Has a First Name. It's H-A-L-L-O..."

2006-10-31T08:47:00.000-08:00

Macky: Mama, is today Christmas?

Me: No, Macky. But it is Halloween!

(Pause.)

Macky: Mama, Christmas is its last name.

This photo is one in a series of otherwise unusable pics of my children flailing about. This one was taken just after I yelled, fully in the holiday spirit: "Okay, NOBODY'S going trick-or-treating until I get a GOOD photo! Do you hear me?!"

PLUS: Halloweeny links from two of my favorite human beings on the planet: Miriam Peskowitz, who writes of conservative religious boycotts of Halloween: "...don't get hung up on the negatives. Slide around them, laugh. Find your own ways, enjoy what's 'pagan' and secular and American and good...", and Brett Paesel, with an all-too-familiar look at the underachieving holiday parent: "Halloween presents a particular kind of challenge for the underachieving mom...I'm the mom who brings paper napkins for the school potluck. I recently had to buy all of my allotted raffle tickets for a school fundraiser because I forgot to sell them to my friends. Last week, during show-and-tell, my 3-year-old son elaborately opened his fists to reveal that he had brought 'nothing' to show because I forgot that Wednesday is the day kids drag in their loot."

Rush Limbaugh: Stupid, or Just Mean? Discuss.

2006-10-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

There was a time in my life when I lived with my parents as a young adult, during the height of my dad's Rush obsession. "Well, Rush says…" he would begin about half of his sentences. My dad is a good man, but he had been embittered by life, and Rush's television program was uniquely designed to find such bitterness, disillusionment, and frustration in its viewers and use it to political advantage. It hurt me horribly to watch this happen, and I still feel nauseous whenever I hear Limbaugh speak. So it's no surprise to me that he's up to his old (constant) tricks. But this one is particularly disgusting.

A few days ago, I watched online a political spot that Michael J. Fox had filmed in support of candidate Claire McCaskill in Missouri. Stem cell research is a complicated issue. I know this because my husband and I went through IVF (in vitro fertilization) and if we had wound up with more embryos than we could use in our first attempt to have children, we would have had to freeze them. This was a difficult moral decision for us, but our doctors told us that I had "egg quality issues," and so it would be unlikely that we would get more embryos than we could use in our first attempt, although of course, anything could happen. We got four embryos, we used four, and we would up with two healthy, beautiful baby boys.

I've thought about trying IVF again, as it was so successful for us, and if my husband and I do anything well, it's make excellent babies. But, in addition to financial issues and the fact that we've also had great success in the adoption department, I also know that we dodged a bullet. We had decided that however many embryos we got, we would make sure that one way or another, each one got a shot at life. But could we really have done it? I would do it again, in a heartbeat, to get my boys. But I also would hesitate to recommend that path to anyone, knowing that we were extremely lucky not to have faced any major moral dilemmas.

There are thousands of people who went through IVF just like us, but who also still have embryos that are frozen. Most will go unused. Most will get thrown away. Few people question the morality of that. Would I rather see those frozen embryos used for research than thrown out? Absolutely. Do I support the creation of embryos so that stem cells can be taken from them? No, I do not. (For the record, Michael J. Fox is not talking about creating embryonic stem cells for research, but about using cells from embryos that are going to be thrown away, anyway.) Clearly, this is a deeply complicated issue.

That said, I was greatly moved to see Michael J. Fox speaking about stem cell research. His words were heartfelt, the effort it took to deliver them, considerable. I felt for him, for his wife, for his children. For everyone whose life is touched by Parkinson's, ALS, Alzheimer's, spinal cord injury, and other diseases and injuries whose help and cure may depend on stem cell research.

Then Rush Limbaugh publicly accused Fox of exaggerating his symptoms. Shame on Limbaugh. And shame on everyone who still listens to him, after decades worth of his mud-slinging and meanness.

Me, I'm riled up. But Fox somehow manages to stay calm and thoughtful. His response is one of the bravest, wisest, most moving things I've seen in my life.

"[T]he more soldiers that die, the more legitimate the illegal invasion becomes."

2006-10-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

There is a powerful article in Newsweek about the outrage being expressed by Kevin Tillman, brother of football hero Pat Tillman, who was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan. Kevin Tillman is quoted as saying, "Somehow we were sent to invade a nation because it was a direct threat to the American people, or to the world, or harbored terrorists, or was involved in the September 11 attacks, or received weapons-grade uranium from Niger, or had mobile weapons labs, or WMD, or had a need to be liberated, or we needed to establish a democracy, or stop an insurgency, or stop a civil war we created that can’t be called a civil war even though it is. Something like that.” An important, heartbreaking, and eye-opening article.

Everybody Loves Amy

2006-10-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who came to Wednesday night's MotherTalk. Amy Scheibe (who is also one of New York's top editors of literary fiction and memoir) is witty, literate, and an absolute joy to meet in person. Her novel, What Do You Do All Day?" (which was Amazon's #1 women's fiction title last year – not too shabby!) is one of those rare creatures: a commercial book with wide appeal that simultaneously deals with some of the issues that matter most to women and mothers, such as whether to work or stay home with the kids, how to take care of ourselves and remain who we are in the midst of mothering, and how to connect with other mothers in the isolation that often comes with parenthood. I rarely recommend commercial fiction, but I strongly recommend hers. Girlfriend gets it.

For more info on MotherTalks, in Portland or otherwise, visit the MotherTalk website.

How I Would Look If I Had "People"

2006-10-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

Some months ago, I plugged in a curling iron and then hovered over it to make sure none of my children wandered by and wrapped their tiny hands around the hot barrel. Do not put it past them. They are capable of anything. It hasn't been all that long since I confronted my six-year-old after school with: "Your brother told me you had 'fire sticks' under your pillow. He said you were trying to light the window shades on fire." Eugenia rolled her eyes. "I wasn't trying to light the shades on fire. I was trying to light the TV on fire." I stand corrected.

As I stood vigil over the newest instrument of heat danger, my youngest came up and stared. "What is that?" he asked, his gaze unwavering. It hit me then: in over three years, none of my children had seen me curl or straighten my hair, even once. A couple of weeks ago we had a repeat of this scene, this time starring a mascara wand and medieval torture device designed to make my eyelashes appear 1/16th as long and graceful as those of my three-year-old son.

It's far too easy to despise myself for not always looking my best. Every mom knows that, in the early years especially, survival ranks lower on the Hierarchy of Parenting Needs than, say, pulling together a snappy outfit or finally getting those eyebrows waxed. We'd love to pamper ourselves, but maybe later, after great spans of time spent trying to clean permanent marker off the wall, after feeding the kid (again), after paying the long-overdue bills, and by the way, is that a spot of somebody's poop on my arm?

We all know that women have enough to worry about without dealing with unreachable beauty standards. This brief commercial spot is a much-needed reminder that, given enough tech support, any woman could look as good as the woman on the billboard. A woman who, interestingly enough, doesn't actually exist.

The Church You Know...a Little Too Well?

2006-10-16T16:16:00.000-07:00

Seemingly unworried that I might offend every person I know, I recommend these The Church You Know "public service announcements," inspired by NBC's "The More You Know" spots. My favorites are this one and this one. NOTE TO CHURCHGOERS: As best I can tell, these videos were made by people within the church who are using humor as a tool to get people to look at some sacred cows that could use some careful examination. Please do not hurt me.

Me v. Dr. Dobson

2006-10-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

Below is a quick sneak peek at my new column going up on Literary Mama this weekend, in which I give voice to some of the reasons I've distanced myself from a contemporary church whose slide into conservative politics utterly dumbfounds me.

"Faced with [Dr. James] Dobson's words [about the Mark Foley scandal], I'm driven to speak out against the trajectory of a church that is failing me as a woman; that is failing my -- and other women's -- children and families. For years, I've felt ambivalent about my association (or lack thereof) with the contemporary church. Today, part of me wants to stand up and shout: "This man doesn't speak for me -- or for my faith!" The other half, the one that shies away from this present incarnation of Christianity, presents Dr. Dobson as Exhibit A in the case against all that is pushing me, and people like me, away. . ."

I wrote the column in reponse to Dobson's insinuation, during an October 6 radio broadcast, that Rep. Mark Foley's sexual overtures to underage male pages could be explained away as "a joke" on the part of the boys. On October 11, Dobson defended himself on air, saying that the media (which also has been critical of his claim) has twisted his words, ignoring the fact that he condemned Mark Foley's actions.

So, for the record: in his earlier broadcast, Dobson did say that "if" Foley had done what he was accused of, he should resign (which Foley did). I don't take issue with Dobson's criticism of Foley's behavior. (It has been revealed that Foley is gay; does anyone really think that Dobson wouldn't have a problem with him?) My concern is with Dobson's political tap dancing: the deflection of blame away from the Republican Party's mishandling of Foley's predatory behavior, the thoroughly insensitive and inappropriate suggestion that the boys themselves are somehow to blame, and now this -- the big show of righteous indignation, Dobson's claims that his words have been twisted, the implication that his behavior is beyond reproach and any criticism of him reflects not on his character but on that of the questioners. Enough, already!

I'm a mother. When I question some aspect of my boys' behavior, I expect them at times to whine and claim that they haven't done the very thing I just saw them do. But they're three years old. Dr. Dobson is more than old enough to know better.

Author Amy Scheibe hits Portland for MotherTalk on October 25

2006-10-13T17:13:00.000-07:00

"What do you do all day?" It's the question that drives mothers crazy. What do we do? We do it all -- and we survive, somehow. (Can I get an 'Amen, sister'?)

A funny, thoughtful read for every woman who has ever suffered the playdate blues, secretly abhored her child's best friend, missed either her job or her kids during the day, or wrestled with maintaining her identity in the midst of motherhood, "What Do You Do All Day?" -- and the upcoming Portland visit of author Amy Scheibe -- offers a perfect excuse to get together with other women who are "doing it all day," too, to talk about this mothering gig: one that both fulfills us at times and wears us out, down to our bones.

MotherTalk salons are opportunities to enjoy good conversation, good food, and good company with other women. Portlanders who would like to attend, email me and I'll send you an invitation. It would be great to see/meet you!

Now, with 80% Less Sensitivity! OR "My Mom and Dad Went to the Abstinence Outlet, and All I Got Was This Lousy Chastity Belt"

2006-10-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

The day I plan to compare my daughter to a "bare stem" is the day I hope a Mack truck hits me before I open my mouth.

If I Had Been an Apostle . . .

2006-10-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

this is how I would have behaved.

Another Thing You Didn't Know about Babies -- OR -- The Three C's of Babyhood

2006-09-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

Overheard this afternoon, as I was holding my boys' hands while they walked, like tightrope walkers, along a painted yellow "balance beam" curb outside their school.

Will: Mama, when are you going to lay another baby?

Me: Lay--? What, you mean, like an egg?

Will: Yeah.

Me: Well, honey, my body isn't really strong enough to lay a baby. Why do you want one, anyway?

Will: Babies are cute.

Me: Yes, they are.

Will: And cuddly.

Me: That's true.

Macky: And chewy.

(Above: Macky as chewy baby.)

Two Thumbs Up from the Insult Critic

2006-09-12T23:19:00.000-07:00

"Macky, sorry I called you 'Doodlebops.'"

"That's okay."

"It's a funny name, huh?"

"Yeah."

To Shake in Our Boots or Not to Shake in Our Boots? That's a Good Question

2006-09-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

Don't miss Slacktivist's thought-provoking take on the anniversary of 9/11.

She Said It, Not Me

2006-09-10T19:47:00.000-07:00

Minutes after getting in trouble for sneaking 11-month-old Halloween candy that had been hidden on our highest shelf, Eugenia asked me when I would let her paint her own fingernails. Sensing a teaching opportunity, I said, "Well, honey, when you're old enough that I can trust you."

"When will that be?"

"That depends on you." I silently congratulated myself for having seized the moment. "It depends on how soon you show me that you can be responsible and clean up after yourself." I wondered if her improved behavior would begin immediately or merely within days.

"I'm going to be TWENTY-NINE," she said bitterly.

Well. That's something to look forward to.

Time to Start Saving for Therapy

2006-09-05T17:35:00.000-07:00

My boy made up this joke today:

Macky: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Me: I don't know. Why?

Macky: Because it wanted to DIE.

Don't Try This at Home, Kids.

2006-09-02T22:51:00.000-07:00

With an open heart surgery in my recent past, a family history of heart disease and diabetes, and a Big Four-Oh birthday coming in the next year, it's time (beginning tomorrow) to start a healthy eating and exercise program before it's too late. My new workout looks a little something like this.

The Life of a Bush Pilot

2006-08-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

This explains so much.

Next Up: Love, Logic, and Lobster

2006-08-22T16:01:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, one of the neighbor girls came by with two pieces of onion skin paper stapled together, the word "RESUME!!!!!!!" printed at the top of the first page. I was so impressed with her enthusiasm, not to mention her confidence (the next line says "Need a babysitter? That's me"), I decided on the spot to hire her in some capacity.

"How old are you?" I asked.

"Twelve," she told me. Ooo. This is bad. Add my kids' ages together and they are twelve. That doesn't seem right. I can't leave my three children alone with a preteen, no matter how desperate I get. And I do get rather desperate at times. Like now.

"How much do you charge?"

"Five dollars an hour," she says. And, just like that, she's back in my good graces. I ask her about her experience, and she tells me she's mostly been a mother's helper but has recently passed her American Red Cross infant and child rescue/first aid training. She's one up on me there. Well played.

"What about three kids?" I ask. "Doesn't that seem a little much for you?"

"Oh, no!" She waves a 12-year-old hand dismissively at my unreasonable adult paranoia. "I watched three kids just the other day." Poor, poor girl. My children would eat her for lunch.

But on page two of the onion skin, she mentions under "Skills and Abilities": "I am able to discipline in a clam way. Maybe strict but fair!" Hell, yeah, she's strict. I imagine The Clam Shell of Discipline lowering on my children's unsuspecting heads. It gives me the shivers, but the RESUME!!!!!!! assures me this won't happen unless they richly deserve it. And with fifteen more days until school starts, that's a promise I may be able to live with.